The Procrasti-hater

What do you have on your to-do list right now? Clean the bathroom, master Chopin or Koine Greek (wink, wink), pick up the dry cleaning or finally put a picture in that damn frame on the wall that has the happy couple who you don’t know on their blissful wedding day?

I’d like to think of myself as a productive person – moving through and making the most of life by getting stuff DONE. Always with projects, ideas and (sometimes related, sometimes not) things going on. Ever read those little books by Roger Hargreaves? I was recently reading Mr. Busy or Monsieur Rapide, if you fancy the French. This anxious dude always has something to do and is always rushing around. This mini square-shaped book set me to thinking for a brief moment…is always being busy a virtue or a vice? Then, I went right back to busy.

Maybe its because I’m a first born or perhaps my vexing astrological sign – you guessed it, Virgo. Some tell me there is a letter in the alphabet that best illustrates my ways. Guess which one it is…(Hint: it comes before B)

You guessed it – A. Which I think stands for Absolutely Awesome.

If not Type-A, you probably aren’t going to understand the “tendencies” that I shall now attempt to explain and may be feeling a fight-or-flight-type need to run away right about now. However, if you are also Absolutely Awesome, you will understand perfectly the pleasure that list making and box checking can bring to your life. I am shameless about this pleasure and go so far as making these lists on my own monogrammed pads of paper and saying things out loud like, “you can check the box on that one!” I even make lists that include things that are either completely involuntary (breathing, chew my food, etc) or that I have already done hours or even days before just so I can check them off. And of course, I actually draw little boxes on this list so they can be properly checked. Better to measure progress, right?

These little objects of affirmation, subtle little attaboys that I give my self, support a self-image of Absolutely Awesome {productive badass} and give me a control-induced euphoria akin to how Mr. Wonka must’ve felt issuing those five golden tickets. Check!

But alas, my responsible, list-making, box-checking and euphoria-filled self-image has a secret. This secret is a completely irresponsible teenage cousin that steals her car, sleeps with her boyfriend and spills red wine on her favorite white pants. The Procrasti-hater. She detests these list-making and box-checking ways. She is the kind that sits around till noon on a Tuesday, eating blueberry donuts with a heaping scoop of Betty Crocker chocolate frosting and watching re-runs of Different Strokes.

Her mission…put a stop to all this productivity and replace it with a self-loathing.

Allow me to demonstrate her devilish ways.

Today is July 8, 2011.

This is my car’s registration sticker.

Official expiration took place 6 months and 8 days ago.

And if I stretch over hmmm…about 18 inches…lookey here…

Well what do we have here in the glove box? Why, a treasure trove. The new sticker.

That sticker has been in there for at least 4 months.

I now gently remove the old expired sticker.

Look, no tools required. Comes off easily with just a gentle tug.

And here is that new one that has been enjoying some time in the glove box while The Procrasti-hater has been in control.

Ready to be put into place

I lean gently forward without the slightest inconvenience. Et voila. Once again, a law-abiding member of our society. Was that so hard?

What legal looks like from the inside

Also for your viewing pleasure, an alternate view of what legal looks like from the outside.

No more disappointed looks from my Mom

I went from rif-raf to law abiding member of society in…

Yep, 50 seconds. Including time to take photos.

The Procrasti-hater has been in charge – throwing caution to the wind and testing the limits of how long she could go without getting a ticket. She loves to spit in the face of 50-second tasks and chew up these monogrammed lists with pretty boxes waiting for checkmarks. The Procrasti-hater gets her willies by taking Absolutely Awesome {productive badass} out back behind that honky tonk at last call and beating her to a bloody pulp.

Although devilish, The Procrasti-hater is a helluvalot more fun than Absolutely Awesome {productive badass}. Who wants to hang out with an eternally-busy, list-making, box-checking priss when The Procrasti-hater will pick you up outside your bedroom window the night before your SATs and drive all through the night to watch the sunrise on the beach.

So, is always being busy a virtue or a vice? Ask The Procrasti-hater.

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3 Comments on “The Procrasti-hater”

  1. […] wee bit back, I introduced you to the Procrasti-hater. That sinister twin to my Type A {absolutely awesome productive badass} personality who gets her […]

  2. […] lists, checking boxes, driving those around me bat shit crazy and just getting ‘er done. The Procrasti-hater had been successfully exterminated. Ok, ok…maybe exterminated is a tad bit overzealous – it […]

  3. Life Lessons says:

    […] lists, checking boxes, driving those around me bat shit crazy and just getting ‘er done. The Procrasti-hater had been successfully exterminated. Ok, ok…maybe exterminated is a tad bit overzealous – it […]


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