Somewhere Over New York

I talk to myself a lot. Not so much out loud for that would imply that I am bat shit crazy. Sometimes I do it by writing to myself.

Like recently while sitting on a plane somewhere over New York…

7.15.12        Somewhere Over New York

I am on my way back to France after over a decade. There was that little false start yesterday when I dragged the brood to the airport one day early and endured the glaring eyes of an American Airlines ticket agent who made me say the date out loud as he showed me the date on my itinerary. Now, we have the RIGHT DAY and are on a flight bound for Charles de Gaulle.

This is our Gypsy Summer – one that is years in the making. Ironically, we are doing so now because we are once more in a homeless-by-choice state. Not in a destitute condition, but more so a put-the-car-in-reverse-and-redirect-fashion. Again, we find ourselves camping our small family at my Mom’s house. She must wonder if this is going to become a pattern. Fear not, Mom, this time, things are different. Why different this time? Because this time we are different and we are united in this choice and in our purpose. The choice to be unencumbered and pass through for a bit. To move forward on a new path, one foot in front of another. We are what you might call “in transition.” This time there is no resentment – that has all faded. One family – part Gypsy, part Texan, some Mexican – spending a unmoored summer. We have left the past behind, at last. Due in no small part to that little incident earlier this year on the side of Kilimanjaro.

So what is this Gypsy Summer all about?

It is not about going on vacation. Vacation is about escaping everyday life for a bit, rather, as the name implies, Gypsy Summer is about being unfettered. About disconnecting from the past and roaming for the exact purposes of making new, stronger connections within ourselves and with each other. Releasing ourselves from the decisions and burdens of the past and walking about unencumbered in new places. It is about opening ourselves and settling into new possibilities. With time and a conscious heart, new people and places will have their affect on us. At first, we will feel nothing or may simply feel lost. Then one day, we will wake up together and the change will have taken place. The change will likely be different for each of us. Although when and what the change will be I am not sure, I know that something will happen.

What happens next after Gypsy Summer? I have always been driven by the next, next, next. But, for the first time in my life, I am willing to roam around a bit so we don’t settle for the next, but rather find the best next.

It was two years ago that we moved into Mom’s because of our  broken house. It seems that we were a bit broken too. I was resentful then of the choice to uproot our lives and mourned the loss of our return for a mythical French summer. I sit here today in the throws of a non-stop Gypsy Summer with nothing but my dear family and a PO box. I find myself somewhere over New York and on the way to France precisely because of the choice we made to break and rebuild that old house into something better. And I now admit without regret, “René you were right. It was the best thing to do.”

We are uprooted once again, but this time, it is for an entirely different purpose. This time is to rebuild ourselves into something new and find the best next.  And, the irony of it all makes me smile.

P.S. Thanks, Mom


One Comment on “Somewhere Over New York”

  1. hippiedou says:

    Love all your postings Amber, you have grown tremendously and beautifully through the years that I’ve known you, and in so many different ways and angles that I could even think you would. Keep on growing, exploring, smiling at discovering or rediscovering life pleasures in the tiny hidden details that mindfulness brings to us. As a friend (even though we don’t each other often) and as a yoga teacher, I truly admire and respect deeply your family journey, it is definitely taking you, your husband and your kids to an Earth blissful heaven.

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