La Tigresse and Baby Ninja

Excuse the slightly negative tone, but I have to start with ‘where have you been’? You have left me in a bit of a lurch. When we left off, I had realized that, although I excelled in an American classroom through four levels of high school French, I don’t speak a lick of it. And, I spent my 40th birthday wearing an inflatable bouffant with imaginary out-of-place grizzly bears with razor sharp claws and party hats. These were good times, so why’d you go and run off like that? Were the grizzly bears taking it too far? I’m no zoologist, but I know that large, carnivorous felines probably don’t seek out the company of grizzlies. You need to learn to take a joke, you can be so fickle. After all, you are a cat. Fickle is your game.

I have been sitting here on this wall now for weeks. I was uncomfortable at first, but now I seem to have adjusted. I think mostly because I have become accustomed to sitting still, even though this rock hard wall is both literally and figuratively a pain in my ass. I keep telling myself that at any moment, you will come around the corner to greet me and give me what I need to get down off this wall. But you never appear.

So, I just sit here waiting in the hot sun and the cold rain. Like a little girl waiting for the prodigal parent who never comes to pick her up like they promised. I think I am even wearing polished Mary Janes and my hair is brushed and pinned just right. By now, my skin has begun to hurt from exposure and, if I am not mistaken, this damn wall seems to be growing taller. I know this because my Mary Janed feet don’t touch the ground anymore. How did I get here again?

Whoa – there it goes again, this wall just grew another foot.

I just finished Lesson 1 of 30 Days to Great French. Since I am way up here, I may as well get some skills. I am quite certain that this is no way to learn a language, but nonetheless onto Lesson 2.

Maintenant, j’habite sur cette mural.

As this wall grows taller, it seems like the air is getting a bit thin. Recently, I stopped a breathing a few times. I’m no expert, but could be.

Oh, what do you care anyway? You are a ferocious feline who has gone MIA.

I know…I know…I have been up here on this wall before. Only last time, I actually fell asleep up here for what seemed like years. And the whole cotton pickin’ time I had both of those evil twins flanking me on either side. This time, there is only one of those blonde big-chested girlies – her name starts with ‘F’ and ends in ‘ear.’ Between you and me, she smells like rotten cucumber soup inside of a gym sock. I seriously hate her.

Listen, I can understand if you have grown tired of this sort of rescue. But don’t forget that the last time I found you, you triple dog and pinky swore that you wouldn’t leave me again. Now I know that you are nothing but a redheaded super hairy, feline liar.

Liar, liar pants on fire!

I digress.


Is that you down there? I have to strain to see. You know, I need glasses now that I am uh…hum – 40. Is that you? The sun is so bright it hurts my eyes. Maybe if I shade my eyes with one hand on my brow I could see you better.

It is you.

You are way down there at the base of this wall. I can see you now. You are walking slowly back and forth and from side to side with my 5YO daughter riding upon your back. If I look closely I can see her going up and down with the rhythm of your step. You both look so graceful together. She is dressed as a ninja and, would you look at that – her hair is a mess. Why won’t she brush that mop?

How dare you bring her here – she’s too young for this kind of fight. Hold on, it is starting to make a small bit of sense now. You brought that messy haired baby ninja because she needed to remind me of exactly what I had all along.

You never left me at all, did you? You have been down there all along. It’s just that I let this wall grow ever taller and, once again, my eyes heavier with each foot. And this stinky one sitting beside me, well I just need to push that bitch right off this wall.

And then jump with my arm’s outstretched. The baby ninja will catch me.

Yours truly,

The girl living up high on this wall


One Comment on “La Tigresse and Baby Ninja”

  1. Maria C. Gracia says:

    Lovely! I know you will succeed!

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